RAGE

since I know that I have heavy diseases that coused by to much rage and berserk, I try to control my temper..

so far so good, the lest time I went ballistic is a long..long time ago.. but just a few minute ago, I let my emotions blew up, and I have a fight with my sister just because sumthing stupid..

well anywey, because that fight.. she bluntly tell me that Im have problem with my selfishness.. and Im just some low egomaniac who acting very much prick
and even my dad.. and my mum.. hated me..


damn.. that kinda um.. hurt my feeling..
;_; she said.. I always act like the person who own the house, and who in charge of everything.. and everybody hated that.. Im dont have the right to do that and stuff..

arghhh god damitt!! thats why I wanted to have my own house.. Im to freaking different with my familly, my attitude and stuff always againts them.. :(
what I do never satisfied them,.. and I always be the black sheep of the family..

Im different. and I gotta get out from this place no matter what..
next year, I will try to leave on my own.. that's a promise! I will get out \from this freaking house start 2010!!

a man have to keep his word! even if its cost live!
and I hope I could have the same spirit to!!


ugh my head is spinning..
>_>

ArtBlock

stressed and down, and loosing my confidence because of THIS..


and the person who tell me that My art is worsen.. kinda broke my heart and made me kinda feel down.. Im mean.. like Im loosing my skill, and I have no rights to do paintings anymore..;_;.. hahhahah(idiot thougs I know =_= )

but I will survive.. I just need time to restore my mind.. :D

and while stress out.. I made this speed painting




I wanted to throw up..
X_X

run..run..run.. but I cant hide

so... this is such a busy month for me..and when I feel stressed because its to freaking busy.. I always end up runaway.. hahha

I usually run with taking a long and hyperbolic quality of sleep(in other words, hibernation.) but somehow I dont feel like Im wanted to sleep..
so when chatting online with My friend, jojo and jejel, I just spontaneously sez..
hey, lets eat sushi.. ^_^;

not in my schedule,there no plan before. just go and do it..
sushi are very terrible expensive for my wallet, so I usually have to plan my budget before I go and eat some sushi.. ^^;
but yesterday I just said to my self.. THE HELL! I dont care its freaking expensive, I just wanted to eat!

ad there I go to Sushi tei, with Jojo, Jejel, and jojo introduce me to his Two friend (that um.. Im sorry but I forgot your name.. =_=; ).
having a crazy conversation like a typical hardcore otakus and narcissistic wannabes.. hahah and in so not the right time.. we checking on the waitress and kinda flirt with one of the pretties waitress..
oooh If I think about it now, its such an embarrassing scene.. >///<

so I eat, this tuna maki, rainbow roll, a bunch of sushi that look expensive but I dunno what the hell the name is.. and a itachoco as a desert.. :d


I am FULLLL and happy but then I get home now and have to face my work again..

and after that
one of my friend call me..
he said : 'hey lets go to sushi tei at Sunday, and I will treat for you..'

oh my.. that sound very tempting..

but I have to finish my job first before I could go have fun go mad again.. :XD

hahhaha
YOSHAAAA GAMBARIMASUUUUUU!

Im so dead

so here is my current project for may 2009

-I have to finish 3 commission at once.its 5 pages of comics, 6 full body painting, and 6 bust up body painting *faint*
- a game card freelance job, from some client in Singapore, the progress are slooow because my job desk is only colored, but the person who sketch and inked the pic have a back and fort revision.. ^_^; poor guy..
-A color book illustration for Erlangga publishing company, the sketch have to be finish this week
-Doujinshi Anthology for a group of friends, the deadline is 8th june.. I hope I could do the inking process fast!
-a storyboard for my upcoming comic project.. its almost done, but Im stuck in the middle..arghh *A*

all of them have to be finish on early june.. X_X.. and I only have two hand.. oh my gay...


beside that My artist are very terrible sick, and me as his manager, have to do all I can to take care of him, made him back in shape, and get ready to work again.. because he already out of the schedule..

hahhahah what a busy month! but I enjoy it in every second I experience.. what a great life I have.. and Im super happy!!
yeaaay \(^,^)/

Back in Action!!!

so.. for almost years I abandon my comic project.. finally I have the guts to start over, and back working on them..

I take a look again the comic script, its look not bad at all.. its from what? 6-5 years ago..? but still look good to me..I take out my comic tools, they all dusted and in bad condition, I have to clean on them, and for some, replace them with new tools..

Gee its been such a long time, since I touch those script, made own personal comic, to me are different with Comic that I made for studio, for a freelance job, for a commission..or a doujinshi
my private comic book, took my soul and drained them so much.. I get desperate and frustrate a lot over a small stuff, and in the worst case,I loose my pride and stop working on it.. and for years,, I lose my guts to touch them..

I feel like its not worthy to continued, Im to lazy, I dunno why Im making comic, I wont be rich and making a lotsa money with comic, so its basically just wasting time, and I feel like I lost the soul for continue working the comic..and Im so scared.. I dunno why..

but last night, I touch and working at the comic again.. and I realize I am so freaking stupit.. and I really2 wasting my time all this years..for not continued my comic.
with out drawing my comic, I feel there a hole in my heart, and everyday, I feel someone chasing me, burden me with the guilt for abandon sumthing I cherish the most, and after I came back.. I feel completed..

yeahh hahaha. drawing personal comic complete me.. Im feel like I back on alive again.. I feel so happy, excited, and I remember all those days when Im still so ambitious and full spirited in comic..
I miss those day.. and Im planing to repeat it again.. I want that joy and happiness comeback when Im drawing comic again..

that night, the fire in my heart, are burning once again..:)

and Its feel so damn great! >///<

btw, here is the first page for almost 4 years that I neglected.. I continue the script that been abandoned in the middle of the progress.. Im back on my track.. and I will go forward no matter what :D

for Maru and AmeBozu

I will try my best! until 31th July.. I will show you guys that I could done sumthing to be proud of..
its a Promise!!

Chibi Sandara Commision progress

a commission for chibi Sandra
this is her character, the boy named kei, and the girl named Shannah..
:)

enjoy the pic :D

ouch.. thats gotta be hurt

Every Monday.. I go on swimming..

I always swimming in the same place, the price are cheap, and the facility are not bad at all.. so its my fave swimming pool so far..
but yesterday, my friend take me to this sport club who have a swimming pool.. and damn! the ticket are so expensive!!

the price are 3 times higher than the usual swimming pool *A*.. its a famous sport club up in the high area of Bandung (ledeng). but price dont lie, the place are very comfortable, clean water, indoor. the water are WARM, and the most amazing is.. it so freaking quite!. there nobody else there beside me and my friend! wohoooo its like a private swimming pool.. and I have a blast of fun swimming and playing there..

so I swim until its late at night.. cant help it, the more late at night, the water getting more warm, and the bright light source made the water look super clean and fresh..
but I swimming without goggles, and after long time swimming, my eyes feel so damn hurt.. if I swim again with my eyes open, I cant bare the pain..>_>..
and I done some stupid stuff..

Im swimming with my eyes close..

so I swim.. I swim... I swim.. from the edge of the poll, swim straight to another edge, I just swim straight.. go froward.. and froward.. and WACK!.. my head hit the edge of the swiping pool hard! very2 hard until there's a bump in my head!

what the!??I taught that another edge of the swimming pool are still long way to go.., and my friend who see me swimming beside the swimming pool are laughing at me, and said I swim stupidly.. he see me live when I bump to the edge of the pool..he dont realize that I close my eyes, so its look so stupid

damn.. dont laught at me.. its not funny at all.. it hurtttt.. ;_; *sob*


and after the swimming is over, I took a bath in the shower, get dress, and comb my hair.. but when I comb,I dunno why, maybe because Im still dizzy with the pain in my head, I comb recklessly and the comb strand, hooked to my upper piercing on my ear and pull it off from my ear.. OUCH!.. but my ear not wounded (thank god) the piercing hole are still intact

the problem is..

my silver piercing are goooneeee aaaaa thoose are from pure silver... with legal certificate!!

noooooooohhh >A<

I try to look everywhere and try to find my piercing, but its gone.. >_< its gooone..;_;

huwaaa,,I decide to let it go.. but its feel very weirrrd, go home with a big bump in my fore head, and one ear pierce gone.. that day, I supposed to have fun.. but than I go home with weirdest feeling.. never in my whole live I go around with only 2 piercing instead of 3.. and its feel like Im NAKED...


so today.. I decide Im going to a silver shop and buy another earrings

I hope I have enough money.. Q_Q
*my pocket kinda empty after I go to expensive and elite sport club

Kairain Face Shoot

Commission for Kyouki-san
and its very very very very very very very hard to draw a man crying.. ;_;
i dunno if I made it capture the sad and anguish mood of Kairain

mourning

My baby bunny finally died, she only manage to survive 6 days in my care..
and I feel so saaaaaaad T_T;

honestly I dunno anything about bunny , so Im very surprise when I check in the internet that baby bunny supposed not to be sell if its age only less than 8 week, and my baby bunny only 4 weeks age..

she still a baby.. I dunno about it.. I buy it with hope she going to grow became a large and healthy bunny under my care..
and now I made the sweet and adorable bunny died..

but I still wanted a bunny..>___________<

even Maru-chan died, we have so much fun, I take care her with love, and her attitude are very sweet, its a short time, but she all ready close to me, she dont runaway and hold back if I pet her..

II still wanted a bunny.. Q_______Q

next time I will make sure to buy a more adult bunny..
and I will buy two not just one so the bunny wont feel lonely..


can I still have a bunny?

becouse sumtimes I feel lonely to..

T_T;

bye2 maru-chan, thank you for this past 6 days, I having a fun and happy with you, and I hope its the same with you to.
and I will never ever forget you..

and your corpse will remain on my front yard

so we will be still close to each other right..?

Im sorry if somehow I dont take care you well enough.
and Im sorry I buy you in such a young age age..

this becouse I dunno..


uwaaaaaaaaaaaang
Im so sory maruuuuuuu