Thursday, August 18, 2011


every time I read post from guys at Muddy Colors, I always have strong reaction that I want to be just like them.
not only become a great artist, but a person who can inspire others.

to be inspiring , I know a person need to have some skill, a different perspective of mind and be able to share it with others people, full of creativity, energy, passion and others thing that make people gasp with awe.

do I have those thing in my self?
I think I have, but its not enough even for myself.
I dont trust my own capability to inspire others.

I have skill of course, I can draw. but Im still raw and have so many thing to learn.
do I have different perspective?
well since Im little, people always said that Im different. yesterday one of my friend check on my finger prints, and I have so many spiral pattern, she say a person with so many spiral pattern on their fingerprints are different, and have the artistic talent.
of course I believe that, I always knew Im different. but I also realize, I always try to be normal and usual.
in clothing, I try to be casual as I can be.
in crowded place, I try to be invisible and not drawing an attention.
I hate exhibition my work in real world even its necessary.
I hate being the center of attention.

in my works, I have so many ideas, but I pressure the ideas in my mind,so it will be normal as it can be.

while I know, true artist, share their vision and try make people understand, and not the opposite like me, trying to make sumthing that people understand.

now after I realize why Im doing this.

I feel Im not capable to inspire, I feel that Im not capable to be 'special' 'edgy' 'different' and 'amazing' artist.
I will always be that 'normal' 'medium' and 'casual' artist.

its really frustrating.

because deep down I want to be special to.

one of my closest friend always tell me.
that Im a creative person, I have so many ideas, but the way I interpret the ideas are so plain. and I should think more to be out of the box, and I shouldn't be scare for what other people think.

I dunno if Im scared.. I just want people understand what Im trying to say.
that's why I make art that so simple and easy to understand.

can I be like that and still be special in the same time?