Thursday, August 18, 2011


every time I read post from guys at Muddy Colors, I always have strong reaction that I want to be just like them.
not only become a great artist, but a person who can inspire others.

to be inspiring , I know a person need to have some skill, a different perspective of mind and be able to share it with others people, full of creativity, energy, passion and others thing that make people gasp with awe.

do I have those thing in my self?
I think I have, but its not enough even for myself.
I dont trust my own capability to inspire others.

I have skill of course, I can draw. but Im still raw and have so many thing to learn.
do I have different perspective?
well since Im little, people always said that Im different. yesterday one of my friend check on my finger prints, and I have so many spiral pattern, she say a person with so many spiral pattern on their fingerprints are different, and have the artistic talent.
of course I believe that, I always knew Im different. but I also realize, I always try to be normal and usual.
in clothing, I try to be casual as I can be.
in crowded place, I try to be invisible and not drawing an attention.
I hate exhibition my work in real world even its necessary.
I hate being the center of attention.

in my works, I have so many ideas, but I pressure the ideas in my mind,so it will be normal as it can be.

while I know, true artist, share their vision and try make people understand, and not the opposite like me, trying to make sumthing that people understand.

now after I realize why Im doing this.

I feel Im not capable to inspire, I feel that Im not capable to be 'special' 'edgy' 'different' and 'amazing' artist.
I will always be that 'normal' 'medium' and 'casual' artist.

its really frustrating.

because deep down I want to be special to.

one of my closest friend always tell me.
that Im a creative person, I have so many ideas, but the way I interpret the ideas are so plain. and I should think more to be out of the box, and I shouldn't be scare for what other people think.

I dunno if Im scared.. I just want people understand what Im trying to say.
that's why I make art that so simple and easy to understand.

can I be like that and still be special in the same time?


Hinagi of Fox Cradle said...

hmmm you're already special chie :') that's what i'm thinking about. Everyone's special in their own way, including you. when I read this i remembered a Sunday preacher when my priest said that everyone has their own fingerprints. they are special.
Believe yourself. If you believe that you are special, then you ARE special. Ones cannot be an inspiration to others if they keep doubting themselves. Inspiration comes from a bright mind, and bright mind comes from positive thoughts :'), i let my words get the best of me. sorry for that. U_U Cheer up chie :'D

Celeste84 said...

ever heard of the little train that could? ;)

Just go for it chie! let all your ideas out and do what you really want! don't worry about what others think, that's not what art is about (I know that you need to be moderate in this regard for clients, but i think a lot would like to see work you've gone all out on as well).

Just have fun and experiment, baby! :D

besides, I already look up to you, and so do many others ^_^ you're already an inspiration so don't stress about it too much LOL

Archie-The-RedCat said...

@hinagi-chan and Celeste.
thank you so much both of you for the support and advice..
I think Im thinking to much..
I wish i could stop thinking and use the time to make art instead.. blarghhh *A*